Relationship I: the Mirror never lies


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There is something deeply mysterious about the whole nature of relationship. It is something we have known intimately since birth, yet even the most secure, deep & loving relationships feel like the shifting sands, or a yacht forever in motion on the gentle breeze..

What I have begun to understand is that the whole reason for this is due to the essential nature of ourselves: our ever-changing, ever-evolving selves. Since what we see, perceive, experience, is entirely our own inner existence mirrored back on ourselves. Taken one step further, all that we have an outer relationship with simply mirrors our inner relationships. As our inner world rides through stormy seas, so we find our outer existence is brimming with drama, great waves of disturbance, stormy relationships.

Many of us in this generation are getting used to the principle of the observer effect, which states simply that what is observing is able to alter the nature of what is being observed. In quantum mechanics, the principle does not support the nature of consciousness to create the change, but I – and many others, including the makers of the film documentary What the bleep do we know – Down the Rabbit Hole – believe it really does. In my own experience, I not only believe: I observe it does. And there is a whole history of human activity & practice to support this, that began with tribal medicine cultures & their wisdom. We are simply the inheritors or descendants of this wisdom, and re-work it to create meaning & understanding in our modern world. Whether or not we are (consciously) aware of it, the observer effect is going on all the time. The main difficulty that exists for us is when we either don’t know this, or when we do but choose to ignore its implications. And the implications are simple: there is nothing or no one else to blame for anything. Not one single thing, ever. I believe, like many that we are not victims, we are creators. We are far from power-less, we are power-full. Yet the blame-game is a rich & celebrated part of our culture, our education, our growing awareness as children becoming adults, our daily existence, particularly through relationship & our means of communication and expression. I’ll be honest here: the blame-game is for kids – and we use that term to denote young people learning their way in the world through a mixture of trial & error, and what we term wiser direction or moderation. Most of us hardly consider adults to be children, or at best, teenagers, when it comes to our behaviour, perceptions, beliefs. But one look at the state of the world suggests otherwise: that mirror again..

Now let me state categorically than I’m no better at this than the next person! I am in a state very far from perfection, or at perfecting a wiser, more evolved way of being & living. But as the student works on his chosen subject, he discovers, questions, unearths & observes. I see that the blame-game is hugely damaging to us as a race, and to the world we live in. Knowing we are powerful creators of our own reality, and the effect this has – through the principle of entrainment – on the consciousness of others around us (which is then mirrored back on us, so that we can see & experience the effects of our thoughts, beliefs & actions) gives us only one option: acceptance. Of our own personal power. Of our personal responsibility, to everything in our nature – our consciousness: to what we think, feel, say, do..and how this impacts on ourselves, and on others around us, through the true nature of relationship. Through the mirror that reveals exactly what our consciousness in in the process of creating. In other words, we can either choose to use this as the empirical feedback system I believe it was intended to be, or just continue the way we are going – which seems to be down the rabbit hole, with our heads stuck in the sand at the same time. This timely & well-used observation seems most apt here (whether from Einstein, Franklin, or anon!):

“Stupidity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.”

The only consistency on which we can rely – as distinct from the shifting sands of relationship – lies in the nature of consciousness, I believe. That is our true home, our base-station as it were. Our consciousness simply IS, and thus we create with it, because it is in the nature of consciousness to create, and to carry on doing so continuously. And if we are creators, we need to pay attention to what we’re creating; since if we do not, we create with lack of attention. Lack of attention is another way of describing habit, or automatic responses/actions. We can choose to create, or simply to react. One exists in the present to effect the future; the other is derived from past thoughts about, and responses to, the subject – and effects our future. Seen in that way, it is easy to see the way in which power is given away, and victimhood established, promoting displacement onto others through blame. Yet, if we don’t like what we’re seeing, the first thing we can choose to do is to change our thought (and thus feelings) about it. Rather than simply reacting in the same, age-old manner. The one response makes us feel good about ourselves, and the other continues the deflating experience we have of ourselves. As we deflate ourselves, we feel the need to deflate others, to create more of a status quo. If I failed, why should another succeed?.. This, I believe, is an essential factor in the positive/negative world-view argument. When we’re choosing a negative response, thought, reaction, stance, we’re not only affecting ourselves, we’re affecting everything around us – all that we care about, and all that we don’t. Everything. And at the conscious state of awareness in which exist, this isn’t nearly good enough: it weighs on us so heavily. One of my own favourite personal sayings is: “When you’re against something, the battle is already lost.”

“When you’re against something, the battle is already lost.”

Another way of saying this is, the only thing you ever end up fighting is yourself. So why do that? Find another way of making sense of it all; be creative, as befits a creator! There are, after all, infinite ways to perceive any given situation or circumstance. And as you do that, look for verification in your consciousness’s infallible feedback system: your relationships. The experiences you encounter all around you. The Mirror that never lies

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